Wednesday, January 14, 2004

 

I did the one thing that guarantess me a one way ticket out of Kayla ville.

I don't know how to explain, rationalize, or address my behavior. What I do know is that I hurt the only one that I really love in this world and now she is hurting more than anyone could ever hurt. On top of that,


I don't think she should break up with me. She is hurting right now and all I can think about is losing her. I know for a fact that I am in danger of losing her. I know that if I lose her, I will be hurting just as much as she is right now, becuase I've lost the one thing that makes me happy no matter what the circumstances. Not only that, but she would be lost because of my actions. Because of what I did. I have brought more hurt to the one I love because I couldnt' control myself. I hate myself. I don't know if I want to be me.

Wha I love about her will stay the same, but what she loves about me will have to be redefined if she forgives me. Something is lost, and the pain will come when we try to find what is lost.


She should not break up with me because that was not who I am. It's not the man she loves. The man she loves is not a drunken horndog who feels that what he wants is what he gets. She fell in love with a man who respects all things and loves her unequivically. If she breaks up with me, she would be breaking up with me because of the drunken fool and not the man that she loves.

I love her. I'm going to bed.

posted by Jack 1/14/2004 09:02:00 AM